It's been a little while.....

I was recently asked by a friend why I don't blog anymore. I have several reasons:

1.) I work now. This blog was started because I was jobless and needed to kill time between playing Playstation 3 and looking at xvideos.com. I figured being an anonymous self-righteous prick and blabbing about anything that crossed my mind was a decent way to do that. However, I work now. At a job I disslike a lot. Regardless, it takes up a huge chunk of my day, so I don't really have the time to write anything and act like people give a shit about what I have to say. They don't. And I know this. But sometimes it's just fun to pretend....

2.) I have nothing even remotely interesting to say. I don't even think it's interesting, so I bet anyone that actually reads this would second that motion tenfold.

3.) Anything I even think of typing is dead obvious. Things like "the media and bloggers are retarded". I've already pointed out that I feel the media is retarded, but now with this Gates-Crowley-Obama thing, the Perez Hilton smackdown, and all of the other dumb crap out there, I think that anyone that can process a rational thought in there head can see that the US Media seems to care more about whipping up some piss-ant story and milking it for all it's worth than actually reporting anything meaningful or beneficial to the American public. Which is why I don't watch the news. And I barely read it. I will now, in an act of great self-indulgence, list what I read about in the media:

1.) The Yankees

2.) A blog where someones makes fun of celebrities (www.wwtdd.com)

3.) A blog where someone talks about movies (www.filmdrunk.com)

4.)A blog where someone talks about sports (www.withleather.com)

5.)A blog where someone talks about TV (www.warmingglow.com)

-it should be noted that the last 4 sites are all part of the same network (Uproxx) so technically I could count it as one source. I'm cool.

One might wonder: "So how do you know of any stories (Like the 'Beer Summit') if you don't read/watch the news?" Because... it fucking clogs up my google news screen when I'm looking for stuff to read on the Yankees. That's why.

On a positive note: I did find the best place to research anything: www.encyclopediadramatica.com. Everything is very informative and they check their facts very thoroughly. Nothing about it is offensive or derogatory.

I'm writing this at work right now... So I'm just going to cut it short. If I get some motivation, maybe I'll blah blah blah about any crap that's happened recently. Maybe the Beer Summit (ugh), Ortiz on Steroids, or something. I don't know. Shut up.

I'm cool, and this statement proves it:

I got my first flame.

I don't do this blogging thing very much, but I feel the need to point out that I indeed got my first flame. Flaming is when someone leaves a comment on your blog in a negative fashion. They could have a relevant point, they could just be an asshole. Either way. This person actually made some good points, but I could really care less. I'm writing on a free blog, not for fucking CNN. Or any sort of reputable news source for that matter. You can read it in the comments section in the post below. I called out a colleague of hers or something and she just went ape shit on me. I also made several references about him looking like a pedophile. Was that nice of me? Not really. But it's a blog. Not the Wall Street Journal. Pretty cool how journalists spend their time nowadays. YAY FLAME WARS.

Anyway, I got a kick out of it, and actually commented back. I doubt she'll reply as I think she thought this blog was read by more than 4 people. Which it's not. She was probably the 5th person to ever see this. Maybe the 6th if I'm getting REALLY popular. It still boggles my mind how she ever came across this. Possibly because I originally titled it "Michael Rosenberg is a piece of shit". I guess they have a lot of pride over there and like to google their own names. I'm thinking about this way too much. The point of this post is for me to give a very sound and well thought out reply:

[image source: yourargumentisinvalid.com]

I actually side with Lebron....

I recently came across an article entitled "Hey Lebron, It's Time to Grow Up" by some D-bag named Michael Rosenberg. His picture is located below:

[pictured: Captain Douche Bag]

For those of you who don't know, the Cavaliers recently lost the Eastern Conference Finals to the Orlando Magic. Lebron stormed off the court after the loss without talking to the media or saying anything to anyone on the other team. Rosenberg's calls out Lebron on this and tears into him pretty good. Well Rosenberg, you are an asshole. And I will dissect your article and show you why:

Let's start with Rosenberg's sarcastic comment at the beginning:

"It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them," he said.

I'm with you on that, LeBron. Absolutely, it is hard. Not as hard as, say, putting in 12-hour days at a manufacturing plant, and certainly not as hard as getting laid off from the aforementioned manufacturing plant, but it's hard.

First, that's a fucking stretch of a comparison. That would be like me saying "Wow work was hard today" and someone replying to that by saying "Not as hard as having AIDS". That's just something to make me feel worse. The two things aren't even comparable.

Second, I think Lebron has earned the right to say something is hard. What was your life like growing up Rosenbitch? Lebron's mom was 16 when she had him, his dad was an ex-con, and his mom's boyfriends were ex-con's. I can't imagine that life was easy by any stretch of the imagination.

Well now that the guilt-tripping part is over, onto Rosenberg's next point:

"It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. That doesn't make sense to me."

Well, it does make sense to me. And you know who agrees with me?

Michael Jordan!
[this was followed by a Michael Jordan quote, if you want to read it go to the original article.]

Oh goodie. A Jordan comparison. Let's put this to rest now. Lebron has done more for the Cavs in 6 starting years than Jordan did. Calm down, let me explain. It all boils down to one simple point: LEBRON HAS NO SUPPORTING CAST. He has single handedly taken an AWFUL franchise, put them on his back, and has brought them to the playoffs year after year. Here are some example comparisons:
Jordan was drafted in '84. From the '84-5 to '86-7 seasons, the Bulls finished under .500, including a DISMAL 30-52 to record in the '85-'86 season (ok, Jordan only played 18 games that year, but fuck you.) It wasn't until Jordan got his supporting cast [Grant and Pippen] in 1987 that the Bulls started going on a tear. Even then the Championships didn't start rolling in until 1991.

Lebron was drafted in '03 to a dreadful Cavs team. By Lebrons second season, the Cavs had actually tied for the 8th spot in the East (Nets owned the tiebreaker so no playoffs for the Cavs). Since 2005 the Cavs have been in the playoffs every year, and Lebron still has absolutely no one to look to if he's having an off night.

He then goes on to blah blah about some stats and kiss Lebrons ass a bit, but then comes this part:

But it was also just plain wrong. The difference between athletes and movie stars is that athletes can't just storm off the set. They are held accountable. When they fail, they're supposed to talk about it.

Really? Talk about it? Do you really think that the dumbass media is going to ask him about the game? The media is so fucking dumb it shocks me sometimes. He probably stormed off because a.) He's back is shot from carrying an entire franchise for 6 years and b.) HE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH YOU DUMBASSES ASKING THE SAME "ARE YOU STAYING IN CLEVELAND OR NOT BBLAH BLAH LOL BBQ ROFLCOPTER" SHIT OVER AND OVER.
Do you really think that's what he wants to deal with that after he played an INCREDIBLE postseason, only to lose because his team blows donkeys? HE STILL HAS ANOTHER YEAR LEFT ON HIS CONTRACT. He'll make his fucking decision at the end of 2010, when it expires, you morons. The sad thing is, when the media cornered him a day later, the ended up asking him that same question. Like he hasn't answered it 2,095,209 times already. Christ. Reporters are dumb. Journalists are tools.

Also, Michael Rosenberg, consider this: HE'S 24. 24 years old and he's been asked to shoulder the responsibility of carrying an entire shitty team to a championship. What the fuck were you doing at 24? I'm guessing you were a 'budding journalist'. And by that I mean you were rimming your editor so you could get your shitty article about post-it notes moved from page 30 to 28.
It's obvious after he played his heart out with zero support from his team that he didn't want to deal with the media and their inane questions. He wanted to get the hell back to Cleveland and his mind together.

So lay off him just because he stormed off. You gave him the nickname of "King", so if he wants to storm off, the King has the right to do so. Next time be more careful with your annoitings, idiots. 

In conclusion, Michael Rosenberg, you are a shithead. And you look like a pedophile. I'm guessing it's mandated that you have to introduce yourself to new neighbors. Creep.



PS. Sidenote: I'm from New York. I HATE CLEVELAND. Well not entirely, but I do have my grievances with the area. The Browns suck AND I FUCKING HATE THE INDIANS. Only a simpleton would build an open-air baseball field ON A FUCKING LAKE WITHOUT TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION ANY OF THE POSSIBLE WILDLIFE EFFECTS. Dumbasses. I would enjoy Lebron coming to New York, although I don't really care about the Knicks. This was written in defense of a great player and to prove that people who look like they touch kids should not post their picture on the internet. Thank you.

PPS. Please do not take this as a "Lebron is better than Jordan" rant. He's not. Not yet at least. Jordan is the best to ever play game. A debate on this is a whole different rant. 

I'M INVESTING EVERYTHING IN GERMANY

The company is called Bontrust. They are a German financial company. Any company that can put together commercials like this deserves all of my money. All of it.

Everyone in Law School needs to Shut The Fuck Up

[pictured: SOMETHING THAT'S NOT EASY]

Just about everyone I know in Law school is finishing up at least their first year right now, many of them their second. However, just about all of them do nothing but blah blah about how hard it is all the time. It's law school, not a god damn basket weaving class. The reason why you studied your ass off in school was to get good enough grades so you could get into some hard ass school and make a shitload of money once you get out. That's why you get paid so much. Law is hard. Very hard. If it was easy, I'd be doing it instead of my low-as-balls paying Data Analyst position.

What the fuck did you expect? This would be like me somehow becoming a major-league baseball player and then complaining "WAAAAAHHH Lincecum throws too harddddd" or "BOOHOOOO I CAN'T TIME SANTANA'S CHANGE-UP." Of course it's too hard to hit them, that's why anyone who can gets paid millions of dollars. Simple logic.

So, in conlusion, shut the hell up. And when you make 6 figures right out of school, give me some of it. You don't need all of that.

Nick Swisher is a god.

I haven't updated this thing in a while because ever since baseball season began, I've been too busy screaming at my television in immense anger because the Yankees have been blowing goats. A-Rod and Tex are hurt. Awesome. Wang can't pitch more than 3 innings in a game without giving up at least 7 runs. Stupendous. Matsui is batting around .100, Ransom is below .100, and Jeter and Damon (among others) are teetering in the low .200s. Fucking great.

However, there is one player who is holding me back from committing genocide on the world. That person is Nick Swisher. Swisher, if you don't know, was the Yankees first offseason acquisition. He was originally penciled in as the Yankees starting 1B, but he got demoted a utility outfielder after the big money signing of Mark Teixiera.

Swisher didn't start the first two games of the season. He started the third, and absolutely dominated. They have kept him in the lineup since then, and apparently he's the only one who remembers how to hit a baseball. He has 3 HR and 10 RBIs thus far. Oh, and get this. HE CAN PITCH. Not great, mind you, but on Monday he pitched a scoreless 8th inning as the Yankees got whooped by the Rays. HE WAS THE ONLY YANKEE PITCHER TO NOT ALLOW A RUN IN THE GAME. AND HE'S NOT A PITCHER. He actually recorded a strikeout as well.

Not only is Swisher dominating on the field, he's also a laid back guy, something that you don't see too much of in the uptight Yankee world. His attitude is a much needed change to the way the club has been run the last half decade.

If Obama decides to give all of the bailout money to Nick Swisher, I would not be displeased. I just want to party with him.

Bruno movie red band trailer.

This is the Red Band trailer for the upcoming Bruno movie. For those of you who don't know, Bruno is a character played by Sacha Baren Cohen, the same guy who does Borat and Ali G. Red Band trailers are usually 2+ minutes and are completely uncensored.

I'll let the trailer speak for itself, but I will say this: I cannot believe Cohen wasn't killed making this movie. We aren't talking about Balls of Steel with Bruno, we are talking an entire skeleton made of adamantium (just like Wolverine. I linked them together. I'm so clever.) Just watch the trailer.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Workprint DVD leaked

I'm sure this is old news by now, as this happened two days ago. The movie X-Men origins: Wolverine was leaked onto the internet a month early. Now, it's just a workprint. This means it's a rough copy of the movie and NOT the one headed into theaters on May 1st. This copy isn't edited. Some scenes still have CGI characters in it instead of the actor supposed to be pasted over the character. There are also several other things in the incompleted scenes that will annoy someone looking to see the full version.

I watched it right after it was leaked and I really enjoyed it despite it's incompleteness. It's going to be a fantastic movie once all of the special effects are finally in place. This copy still had many completed scenes and the storyline is amazing. A bunch of plot twists. It sets up all of the other X-Men movies. It's also great to see all of the new mutants that weren't in the older movies (Gambit, Silver Fox, Emma Frost, Agent Zero, Deadpool, etc.)

Yeah, I'm kind of a dork when it comes to this stuff. I never read the comics, but I enjoyed all of the X-Men movies, including X3 which was panned by everyone else. If I was a mutant, my power would be to make my dong grow by the yard. Then I'd slap everyone around with it. Mushroom Tattoo Artist. Best mutant ever. Someone write a script for this NOW.

All of my ideas have already been done

My ideas for follow-up blogs are all taken. Other people are just better at life than I am. Both the names and the site types. Gaahhhh I guess I'm stuck with this cheesy ass one for now. Maybe Nicholas Cage can cheer me up:



Yeah. That'll do.

Holy crap Lebron is talented

That title shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. But still, just watch this clip of his upcoming interview on 60 minutes. He's just incredible at everything related to basketball. And probably at life too.
I hate several things about Cleveland (Indians, Browns, etc.) but I did however, have the pleasure of watching Lebron play in Cleveland at the Quicken Loans Arena in December of 2006. His team was god awful when he joined them, and he has turned the shitty Cavs into the first-place team they are right now. They definitely have a shot at winning the NBA Championship. They should be called "Lebron & The Cavs" and have that sewn on the jerseys. Similar to "Huey Lewis & The News". I bet Lebron can write songs like "Power of Love." He's that talented.

So... yeah. July 1, 2010 = Lebron a Knick? Yes? FUCKING YES. COME ON MR. JAMES. I bet you can negotiate a contract that allows you to bang at least 2 Knicks dancers after every home game. And my girlfriend. Who doesn't exist. But I bet she'd still do you. Imagine that. Even my imaginary girlfriend wants to bang Lebron James. Damn.

This is the funniest video I have ever seen.

I don't even have anything remotely humorous or witty to add. Just make sure to read every line of the text. I laughed my ass off watching this.

Note: If that YouTube logo blocks too much of the text, just watch the video on YouTube itself.

How does this guy keep getting movie roles?

"Knowing" starring ::gulp:: Nicholas Cage was number one at the box office this weekend. How. How the fuck does anyone watch Nicholas Cage in a movie for more than 3 minutes without pointing and laughing at him. Do people still take him seriously? Are we still in 1992? Did Con Air just come out?

Oh... I know why people still watch him. It's because of his brilliant performance in this outstanding piece of cinematography. Please enjoy.

Some new additions

I have decided to add a "Song of the Day" feature. It's really not exciting. I will simply add a random song and then discuss it in two sentences or so. They will rarely be new songs as the goal is to reference some blasts from the past and get you to expand your crappy music collection. Once you see the song, you can probably listen to it on youtube. Then you can buy it or download it somewhere. I would suggest the latter. I'm not going to go on a rant on why the RIAA sucks. That has already been done and can be found here (click 'here'). The songs will be archived in the bottom of the sidebar.

Also added - a Links section. In it you will see All Made in Taiwan (click it), a friend's site that is better than mine because he, unlike me, is not a complete waste of matter. So go visit it. And then make me a sandwich. I'm fucking starving over here.

P.S. If you haven't noticed, the links are hidden (sort of). I don't have them in underlined blue writing. The links blend in with the text of the post. They are kind of like easter eggs. You click them and then "WHOA! A Link!" I know that's how you reacted. If you didn't... well... you probably have more friends than I do. Lucky you.

Drinking is bad. Don't do it.

I feel like crap. Too much drinky. Don't do it. It's bad for you. If you drink, this is what you'll end up like:

Don't be like Eddy.

So now you know that drinking is bad. And KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE. G.I. JOOEEEEE

Twix commercials are full of lies

The above Twix commercial is full of crap. Here are some reasons why:
1.) When the hell does the hot "stand on my soapbox and preach whatever I want because I'm hot and anyone will listen to me to try to nail me" girl actually talk to the functioning retard at the party? That never happens. I know from experience.

2.) Beer. I'm pretty sure that's the only liquid in red solo cups at social gatherings. But Twix and Beer? Is that really a common combination? If so, fuck you.

3.) Blogging? That's what gets her to go back to his place? Really? People blog together? This night is probably going to end in severe disappointment for this guy. She's going to sit at his computer and type away all night while he stands behind her and nurses his deep blue balls. If she planned on getting with him, why didn't she just go back to the apartment the first time he asked? But blogging will get you to tap that ass? Is that her definition of "hard to get"? Makes no sense. Eat shit, Twix.

4.) Since when does eating a Twix bar make your previous fuck up completely forgotten? I tried that. I was talking to this really hot girl and I said something along the lines of "Birmingham Booty Call" and she got really upset. I have no idea why. But I ate a Twix bar and then started over. Do you know where that got me? A broken jaw and a restraining order. Oh I'll be back, Megan Fox. I'll be back.

Being unemployed blows

Anyone want to give me a job? Entry level Business/Systems Analyst needed anywhere? How about QA? IT Consulting? I'm good at this shit. I swear. Hire me. I'll pay you for the first month. This blog won't get me anywhere. Sad face.

Best of luck, Aaron Boone.

Aarone Boone's 2009 season (and possibly career) will end as the 36-year old will have heart surgery. I'd completely lost track of Boone's existence after 2003. Apparently he's been on the Indians (f them), the Marlins, and now the Astros. Probably some other teams too that I didn't bother to look up. I have a lot going on in my life. Really.

Aaron Boone is best known for his walk-off Home Run in Game 7 of the 2003 American League Championship Series. It was ranked as the best home run ever at the old Yankee stadium. Now, I'm a Yankees fan. He did this against the Red Sox. I hate Boston and everything about that place (minus Boston College). Thus, it was one of the greatest baseball related moments of my life. Consider this: Boone was a freakin' scrub at the time. He took one swing that entire game, and it happened to send the Yankees to the World Series. They lost the WS, but shut up. How many times have YOU been to the World Series? That's right. Eat me.

Get well soon Aaron. I may have forgotten about you as a person, but your home run will always stick with me. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
[story from MLB.com]

Post Number One

Yeah I decided to try out this blogging thing. I know, I'm not really Matt Damon. Shut up. It's from a movie. This first post is just so something will show up. I'll probably change this layout about 3023 times because I have no idea what looks good and what sucks. I suck. But yeah, Kristin Kreuk is hot. Almost makes me want to watch shitty shows like Smallville. But I won't. Too busy playing Playstation 3. And ruling at it. I'm really cool if you haven't already noticed. Let's be friends.


First Post video: Enjoy: